Connect to your Creativity

Connection – how to feel connected. Not to others, (although that is important), but to ourselves, so our creativity isn’t something we are striving for. This is what I’m getting out of Week 6 in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way.

Last year I started The Artist’s Way – and only got to Week 6, out of the 12 Week course. You can read the beginning of last years attempts here, is you so wish. This time I’m going to get to the end!!! Haha, that is my mission. This time through I’m finding out new things about being creative and I’m discovering my artist blocks more readily.

My new messy creative space

For me, connection is about letting the process take on a journey, rather than controlling everything I do. Just allowing myself to create, free from judgement, or comparison. I’ve been reading a little bit from Alan Watts lately and appreciate his take on good/bad, right/wrong and that these supposed opposites are just sides of the same thing.

Thinking about creativity, this idea helps me to let go of making ‘bad art’, as art is art. Good or bad is a judgement, that doesn’t relate to my creativity, my process, or my connection with myself in order to create. If we can let go of the outcome, I think connection is much more available to us.

I love this quote:

Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it.

Salvador Dali

Part of Week 6 in The Artist’s Way is about perfectionism and how it stifles creativity. I wouldn’t call myself a perfectionist, I’m more messy and seem to be happy in my mess and not bothered if people see me in it – however, and it’s a BIG HOWEVER: I do still care what people think – and I can put that ahead of my process. Many times I’ve changed tack because of what was expected, or what I thought people wanted, rather than staying true to myself. And, I just caught myself doing that again recently. So, obviously something or some fear I have, I’m holding onto.

I guess creativity is a process, just as we are a process. Makes sense if we can connect to it then.

Hope you are all well. Let me know about your artist endeavours.

Catch you next time xx

How you value YOUR creativity.

Standing at the display I see a number of branded tubes of paint. I’m looking for black. It’s a colour I use a lot and my small one has run out. There are a few options available. A couple of tubes priced around $8, (just the very small tubes), and one brand I haven’t seen before that is $4. I have enough money to purchase either.

I sway.

I tell myself the better quality will be the higher price, “You get what you pay for”. but then $4… So, I take the cheap one.

And, guess what? “You get what you pay for”.

The paint has no coverage, I can’t get a good black no matter how hard I try. Finally I mix it with a good quality dark blue, and I get a somewhat useable blue-black.

So, why?

Why did I not spend the extra $$? I would spend that on a coffee without even thinking about it. So why be a miser to my own creativity?

This made me realise a few things:

• I tend not to spend on myself believing I’m not really worth it?
• I don’t VALUE my creativity like I want to.

I’m just beginning on my journey into painting. I have done bits and pieces in the past but this time I want to take it a lot more seriously. But looking back, I’ve been a miser to myself in other areas of my creative endeavours. I hold myself back in this area. I, possibly, don’t fully value the investment I am making – I still think it as being selfish.

Or maybe it is how I see money? Do I see it in a positive or negative light? Are there issues I have around money that I haven’t let myself look at? Do I have/need to be the “struggling artist?” Do I think money is for security and creativity is somewhat lesser in value??

I don’t have any fast answers. But next time I’M GONNA BLOODY WELL BUY THE PAINT I WANT!!!

Maybe I just have to force myself to do that until I change my perception of self-value. I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Do you do this too?

Any feedback or advice would be most appreciated. I’m feeling like a lost artist, but one with determination.

Hope you are well. Catch you next time xx

Caring for Creativity.

There is a lot of discussion around self-care at the moment. A lot of information about how to look after ourselves when things get tough. And, I just want to add to that conversation when it comes to looking after our creativity.

I don’t have a huge amount of time each day to work in my creative area. Usually my days are packed with work, family, friends, commitments… you know what I’m talking about. All the life stuff. So when I do get a morning or a few hours, or even occasionally a whole day, it’s pretty special to me. I guard that time.

But sometimes and probably more than I’d like to admit, I’m not in the right headspace, or physically I’m lacking energy, or I tell myself I should be doing other things.

Like anything we engage in, we need to prepare. If I know I’ve got all Sunday to myself, I start to mentally psych myself up. I let myself get excited about the upcoming day. The anticipation builds, I’m telling my creative mind to get ready. Lately I’ve also been trying to keep myself physically prepared.

This might sound odd, especially if your creative field is sedentary; like writing on your laptop, or painting at your desk. However, mind and body go hand-in-hand, the connection is vital. Don’t underestimate how much the body affects our minds and in turn our creative output.

For the longest time I didn’t really put the two together. I thought about body image and being physically fit or a certain clothes size. Looking after my body, meant dieting or exercising in a way that didn’t suit me. However, my body is my vehicle and it allows me to be creative. I need to look after it so I can do the things I want and need to do in life. Yes, I’d rather eat cake than salad – I’m that type of person, but I’ve realised that the salad is going to help me get where I want to go – and it has NOTHING to do with my waist line. NOTHING.

I’m not a dieter, everything in moderation. But my thoughts around my body and looking after it has changed. If I look after it, it will in turn care for my creativity. And, creativity is one of my main focuses in life. So it’s important to me. It makes sense.

When I’m caught up in creativity and need a break, and want to scroll on my phone, I’ll take that 15min walk outside in the sunshine, or in the rain instead, because that is what my body needs. If, in the afternoon I’m hitting the wall, I’ll drink the green tea and eat a banana instead of the fourth coffee and chocolate bar. It’s not about right or wrong, it’s not about dieting it’s about looking after one of the most precious things I’ve been given. My body.

Please let me know what you do to keep up creative fitness. Catch you next time. xx

The Artist’s Way: Week 6

Check in: Week 5: Recovering a Sense of Possibility

I completed 7 out of 7 morning pages. However on one morning I wrote 2 pages… My creative writing, or thoughts about projects usually start to arise about 1.5 pages in each morning – before that it is all minor fears and gripes, fretting over all the nothings in life. I get that out of the way and then creativity starts to intrude. (Which is lovely)

I did my artist’s date this week. I took myself out to a second-hand book shop, that also sells amazing coffee, and sat and read. I ended up purchasing an art book on the life and work of painter Henri Matisse. Beautiful book and reading through it taught me a lot about process and dedication. It felt good to finally put some time into myself.

Again, I haven’t experienced synchronicity, but I’m not out and about doing things or having social interaction. It’s ‘lock-down’ and being in the world is a very different experience right now. I’m OK with this as my creative output has increased and I’m loving where these new ideas are going.

Reflection

Week 6 is difficult. Not gonna lie. This entire journey through ‘The Artist’s Way’ has been very up and down for me, but this week those peaks and valleys have hit a new level. With understanding why I’ve been blocked brings a sense of anger, and resentment at myself for not seeing what was right in front of me – ME.

On the other side – finally synchronicity is beginning to flow and some things are happening – all because of this course (will discuss this in next weeks blog), but very excited for it. I’m starting to find a freshness to my ideas, a curiosity and excitement I just haven’t had for SOOOO long. But with this is fear, seeing that is a good start – I know – but I also know there is some hard work to do.

Spent an evening listening to old vinyl and playing with plasticine

Catch you next week xx.

The Artist’s Way: Week 4 & 5

I didn’t write last week – life kind of took over and I just didn’t get to it. However, I’m now well into this course of Julia Cameron’s, so will give you the latest update.

Check in: Week 3: Recovering a sense of Power

• I wrote 7 out of 7 morning pages. However, 2 morning I only wrote 2 pages as I was sick. The morning pages have become integral to my morning. They have become meaningful and creative. I am so grateful for starting this course and finding how incredible morning pages are.
• Being unwell affected my week. I had planed out the artist’s date for Saturday, however woke up in excruciating pain and ending up in bed for the day.
• I did not experience synchronicity this week but I am seeing myself and how my past has influenced how I engage with people and how I engage with creativity. A couple of things happened this week to open my eyes to this – so I guess a type of synchronicity.
• What I have mainly learned from this week is to get out of bad habits and replace them with ones that serve me and my creativity.

Check in: Week 4: Recovering a Sense of Integrity

• I wrote 7 out of 7 pages. Some of the mornings toward the end of the week became difficult – starting to feel a little scratchy.
• I did not do my artist’s date. So haven’t been great at this exercise. Not sure why I’m finding this so challenging but will endeavour to do better.
• Not feeling synchronicity – except in my creative writing.
• Overall, I’m being a lot more creative. I didn’t realise how blocked I have become. The non-reading challenge has been so, so, tough and I have realised just how much time I waste on stupid stuff that is filling my brain with clutter. It’s like a dumping ground – no wonder I can’t create.

Reflection

The last couple of weeks have been very up and down. I’m absolutely creating more, but also feel at odds with myself a lot. I think it’s because I’m learning much more about how I operate, and how I create. I’ve put a lot of obstacles in my way and it has been tough to see some of them. But other times, I’m having more fun, I seem a bit lighter with myself, maybe more curious. So all in all, it is very challenging but very worth it.

Catch you next time xx.

The Artist’s Way: Week Three

Check in: Week Two: Recovering a Sense of Identity

• I completed 7 out of 7 morning pages. On most mornings the writing naturally flowed and on several of those mornings it progressed into creative writing, which has given me hope to continue with this. However, I did not complete the artist’s date this week. I think going back into lock-down because of COVID–19, (second time round for Auckland, New Zealand), pushed me into a type of lethargy and I just couldn’t commit to anything. Which is silly, as there are plenty of things I can do and enjoy and be frivolous with, so the challenge this week is the ARTIST’S DATE!!!
• I enjoyed the other activities I worked on, but probably didn’t put in quite as many hours as I did in the first week. However, I feel like I’m understanding what I need to create in a more sustainable way.

Reflection

This week has been interesting, I’m enjoying exercises more this week. They seem to focus on childhood and reflecting on childhood memories, especially to do with play and creativity. So this has inspired my Artist’s Date, I’m going to be a bit more youthful in my approach. I tend to get too serious too quickly about process and activities and forget about having fun. I’m not sure why. But realising this is a good step to get a bit more lighter with my creativity.

The other thing I have been doing everyday this week is a very quick portrait sketch of myself. Not in a literal sense, but rather trying to express how I’m feeling through the sketching process. Below are a couple of samples.

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Also, I fell in love with this quote, and it’s been a bit of a mantra for me this week.

Anger is the firestorm that signals the death of our old life. Anger is the fuel that propels us into our new one. Anger is a tool, not a master. Anger is meant to be tapped into and drawn upon. Used properly anger is use-full.

Sloth, apathy, and despair are the enemy. Anger is not. Anger is our friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend.

Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way p. 62

That’s it for this week. I hope you are all doing well. Catch you next time xx.

The Artist’s Way: Week Two

I’ll start each week in this series by checking in with the past week.

Week One: Recovering a Sense of Safety

• I did 7 out of 7 morning pages. At first I found it difficult, but then suddenly creativity started to flow, for the first time in a long time. I didn’t feel as blocked as I have been feeling and I even started to think about filmmaking again as a possibility.
• I completed my first ‘artist’s date’, which was watching a film at home due to COVID-19 lockdown in Auckland. I watched John Cassavettes, Faces (1968). Remarkable film, I have already watched this film several times but just felt like I needed to see this again. It reminded me about the use of ‘space’ in film, how to use it cinematically and also for storytelling purposes.
• I also did a number of the other exercises, I wouldn’t say I did 1-2 hours a day, but I did my best.

Reflection

The first 3 days were really difficult. I just felt blocked and grudgingly did the exercises, thinking that it’s just another ‘self-help’ book and nothing would come of it. However, by day 4 something happened. I started to think about a character for my next film. I started writing!! I just haven’t done that for so long. And this time, I didn’t think about what the end product would be, I just enjoyed outlining who this person was. Just having that happen has changed my perspective and the rest of the week was nuanced with many little creative opportunities and moments. I’m not going to read too much into it, but it gave me the encouragement I needed to keep going.

Out of all the exercises, the morning pages are becoming more important, and I can imagine they will become a creative life-line for the future. I think it is these pages that are releasing some blocks, as my morning writing goes into all sorts of territory, which I just hadn’t expected – I guess it is allowing me to put my views, and feelings out there and just in doing that release things I’ve been holding onto. In week two there are more exercises to do, I like the ones with the pie-charts – I just like anything visual so got straight into them, however got stuck on the, 20 things I love to do… sounds so simple, but ended up putting in some dumb fillers, so I will attempt that one again.

This blog post by Madeleine Dore reflects her journey over the entire 12 week course. It’s a very perceptive piece on the entire course and reveals the unfolding journey Madeleine goes through. I’m only at the beginning, but it was really interesting moving along the 12 weeks with her in one read.

Hope you are all well. Catch you next week xx.

The Artist’s Way: Week One

After blogging everyday for July, I needed a break and a chance to reflect on what I want out of this blog. The main thing I want to do is engage in conversation about creativity. So, with that in mind, I’m starting the 12 week course using Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. I will be discussing my learning adventure over the next 12 weeks into creativity using this book as a tool.

I started on Sunday, so my course weeks will be from Sunday to Sunday, although I will post mid-week. There is an enormous amount of reviews, and accounts on the web about this book, so I will endeavour to link something of value every week, along with my own review and reflections on the exercises. The first link is Julia talking with Russell Brand. This is relevant at the moment as they talk of being in lock-down due to COVID-19. Their discussion moves around, but it does show her thinking through artists issues right now and how to overcome them.

What I have learnt so far? Firstly, the morning pages. If you haven’t heard of these, they are the foundation of the course. This exercise consists of writing 3 pages every morning. There are no rules for these pages, you can put down anything that comes to mind. And, that is exactly what has been happening to me. I’ve only completed 4 mornings, but I just start jotting down anything that comes into my head until I fill up 3 pages. I haven’t done this long enough to reflect as yet. The next exercise is the artist date. Where you take yourself out to fill up your creative reserve, this is a weekly date so by the end of it I should have taken myself out 12 times. Brilliant idea – I just don’t know where I’m going to go, and how I will fit it in – so, we shall see.

That’s it. Just an introduction into what the next 12 weeks will focus on.

Hope you are all well. Catch you next week xx.

31 July Blog

This is my last daily blog. I have missed a few days through the month, but I’m still pretty happy with my accomplishment. So instead of writing 800-1200 words once a week, I wrote just a small amount everyday during July.

It was a challenge, and more difficult than I first thought it would be. But I think challenges, whether they work out or not, are a great way to re-focus or refine what we are trying to do.

Over July I kept thinking – why am I blogging? What am I blogging for? I think because it was everyday it pushed me to hone in on the reason for starting this, and if I should keep going.

I started Kick last year, in October, as I wanted to inspire creativity, and also reflect on my own processes and thoughts when creating. My angle was to inspire the process of creativity over any product or outcome. And I’m still so passionate about this.

However, I think some of my blogs have got a bit off track – so I do need to re-focus and this challenge has taught me to stick to my initial reason for starting this.

So this is it. A little bit everyday for a month. Done.

Catch you next time.

30 July Blog

I’ve been listening to Eckhart Tolle a lot lately and enjoying his discussions on being in the ‘Now’. To understand his idea of ego, I read this blog and it helped me a lot. It is not his blog, just a definition I found online.

I’ve been trying to stay present, and sometimes I can remain in the present, (on and off), for a time. But it is difficult, not something that is natural (yet), but I guess with more practice the discipline will become easier.

If I concentrate on my senses, it helps, and I’ve noticed I’m enjoying little moments a lot more, like; birds singing, sky, plant life, the warmth of sun through the window, texture of food – just moments. I was listening to a youtube video of Eckhart’s and he discusses his definition of gratitude – which I found so lovely. It is about 55mins along the timeline, so if you just want to hear that skip to that point. However, the whole video is worth a listen.

That’s all I want to say today. My month of blogging is almost over. Catch you tomorrow xx.