As I’ve stated in earlier posts, I’m working my way through Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way. This week is chapter 8, Recovering a Sense of Strength. So, over the week I’ve been contemplating how to gain strength as an artist, which is difficult, because I feel so weak. Trying to find a path, or something to hold onto, is so tenuous. I find something, open a door, head that way only to find I’ve suddenly lost interest, or it’s not what I thought it would be.
But I’m determined.
So, this week I started a free online course called “Follow the Breadcrumbs”, which is run by Nicholas Wilton from Art2Life. The course only takes about 30 – 40mins a day for 5 days, where participants are asked to follow clues (breadcrumbs), and learn about creativity in art, how it makes you feel, where you want to take it and so forth.
As I write this I’m only on day 2 but finding the process very emotional.
Several years ago I finished the biggest project I’d ever worked on, it took about 10 years to complete and since then I haven’t been able to commit to anything major. I’ve done bits and pieces, and all of those smaller projects have been beautiful in their own way, but I haven’t been able to strive or push into a project like I use to. I haven’t been able to risk myself to my creativity – which I did in the past. I believed it was the only way to be creative.
Maybe, it was youth, or naivety that pushed me that far and now I’m older and wiser – but since finishing that project, honestly, I’ve just felt lost.
So I try drawing and painting, I write prose and poetry, I try experimental filmmaking, I try writing this blog.. and find some enjoyment, some motivation and purpose, but there still seems to be something missing.
I don’t think I’ve opened up in this way on the blog before, because I haven’t until this moment realised that I need art to find me –
I really need, art to just come and find me again.
Today on the “Breadcrumbs” challenge we draw/painted/wrote – expressions of what made us happy or joyful as a child, and what I painted – was joyful but also painful, which woke me up. It woke me up because art needs to reflect myself personally to make sense. The striving, and risk taking I did before – worked because that was where art was finding me, that was where I personally was, and I’ve been believing I always had to be in that place.
But I’m not there anymore – so, art can’t find me there.
Of course art can find me when I’m weak too, I just didn’t realise that till now.
Maybe this is a prayer, or a meditation, that I’m sending the universe. Art please come and find me – because I need you more than ever, in this weak vulnerable state.
Please let me know where you are at, with art or life in general.
2022 Update: I have now started a new project – something big… to view my thoughts about this on my YouTube channel click here.
2 thoughts on “Art, come and find me.”
I loved reading this generous reflection Julia, it made me feel a little sad & also a fair bit of ‘tell me about it’. I remember your big work, it was amazing, you are amazing. It’s hard to regain that. I’ve loved your experimenting as you’ve kept working. I have become a kaiako again so I can do/start research (maybe I could have done it in the old job, but think my leadership style prevents me) and have scribbles of script across multiple books, half sketched ideas, word docs framed but not fleshed. Missing oomph but I hope it will come, and I try, as I can see you do, to make a mark somewhere. Keep at it lovely woman.
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Beautiful words. I needed this.