As I’ve stated in earlier posts, I’m working my way through Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way. This week is chapter 8, Recovering a Sense of Strength. So, over the week I’ve been contemplating how to gain strength as an artist, which is difficult, because I feel so weak. Trying to find a path, or something to hold onto, is so tenuous. I find something, open a door, head that way only to find I’ve suddenly lost interest, or it’s not what I thought it would be.
But I’m determined.
So, this week I started a free online course called “Follow the Breadcrumbs”, which is run by Nicholas Wilton from Art2Life. The course only takes about 30 – 40mins a day for 5 days, where participants are asked to follow clues (breadcrumbs), and learn about creativity in art, how it makes you feel, where you want to take it and so forth.
As I write this I’m only on day 2 but finding the process very emotional.
Several years ago I finished the biggest project I’d ever worked on, it took about 10 years to complete and since then I haven’t been able to commit to anything major. I’ve done bits and pieces, and all of those smaller projects have been beautiful in their own way, but I haven’t been able to strive or push into a project like I use to. I haven’t been able to risk myself to my creativity – which I did in the past. I believed it was the only way to be creative.
Maybe, it was youth, or naivety that pushed me that far and now I’m older and wiser – but since finishing that project, honestly, I’ve just felt lost.
So I try drawing and painting, I write prose and poetry, I try experimental filmmaking, I try writing this blog.. and find some enjoyment, some motivation and purpose, but there still seems to be something missing.
I don’t think I’ve opened up in this way on the blog before, because I haven’t until this moment realised that I need art to find me –
I really need, art to just come and find me again.
Today on the “Breadcrumbs” challenge we draw/painted/wrote – expressions of what made us happy or joyful as a child, and what I painted – was joyful but also painful, which woke me up. It woke me up because art needs to reflect myself personally to make sense. The striving, and risk taking I did before – worked because that was where art was finding me, that was where I personally was, and I’ve been believing I always had to be in that place.
But I’m not there anymore – so, art can’t find me there.
Of course art can find me when I’m weak too, I just didn’t realise that till now.
Maybe this is a prayer, or a meditation, that I’m sending the universe. Art please come and find me – because I need you more than ever, in this weak vulnerable state.
Please let me know where you are at, with art or life in general.