Standing at the display I see a number of branded tubes of paint. I’m looking for black. It’s a colour I use a lot and my small one has run out. There are a few options available. A couple of tubes priced around $8, (just the very small tubes), and one brand I haven’t seen before that is $4. I have enough money to purchase either.
I sway.
I tell myself the better quality will be the higher price, “You get what you pay for”. but then $4… So, I take the cheap one.
And, guess what? “You get what you pay for”.
The paint has no coverage, I can’t get a good black no matter how hard I try. Finally I mix it with a good quality dark blue, and I get a somewhat useable blue-black.
So, why?
Why did I not spend the extra $$? I would spend that on a coffee without even thinking about it. So why be a miser to my own creativity?
This made me realise a few things:
- I tend not to spend on myself believing I’m not really worth it?
- I don’t VALUE my creativity like I want to.
I’m just beginning on my journey into painting. I have done bits and pieces in the past but this time I want to take it a lot more seriously. But looking back, I’ve been a miser to myself in other areas of my creative endeavours. I hold myself back in this area. I, possibly, don’t fully value the investment I am making – I still think it as being selfish.
Or maybe it is how I see money? Do I see it in a positive or negative light? Are there issues I have around money that I haven’t let myself look at? Do I have/need to be the “struggling artist?” Do I think money is for security and creativity is somewhat lesser in value??
I don’t have any fast answers. But next time I’M GONNA BLOODY WELL BUY THE PAINT I WANT!!!
Maybe I just have to force myself to do that until I change my perception of self-value. I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Do you do this too?
Any feedback or advice would be most appreciated. I’m feeling like a lost artist, but one with determination.
Hope you are well. Catch you next time xx
Kick: Creative Action 